The Hardest Part is Admitting it to yourself
by mosherocks4
Summary: Gray found out something about himself that he never thought possible. Will Natsu be able to help him understand who his is, or will the Pink haired boy make it harder for Gray to come to terms with himself? /NatGray/Oneshot/


**New fic! :) just a one-shot, but I promise you, THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT GOOD! Unlike my last -_- but let's not talk about that. :P**

**So this is something I started a while ago, like three, four months ago...yeah, I'm kinda lazy & don't finish anything O_O not lately anyways..BUT, this is done :) I'll give you the reason for this fic at the bottom, for now, Enjoy the GraySu/NatGray Love! **

**I own Nothing~**

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He wasn't avoiding him. No, he liked the few encounters they made, but lately they felt like awkward situations. One's where he felt like everyone knew his deepest and darkest secret. A secret he wasn't ready yet to admit. Though he did admit it to a few select people, he wasn't ready to face it himself.

All his life things were normal. Or as one would expect anyways. He was a star, and now he was a fallen star. One that if you made a wish on, it most likely wouldn't come true and maybe even burn you. A tainted star.

His few friends who knew, didn't seem to mind his difference, they even encourage it. But it was all too much for him. After so long, he wasn't ready to tell the world something that happened in a flash. A stupid night, a stupid mistake lead him to this. Why? What did he do to deserve such a cruelty?

Perhaps his many one night stands, perhaps his lack of interest in school and family, maybe it was just the fact that he was gorgeous and god-like. Whatever the reason, the weight of liking the same sex as himself scared him, frightened him, made him wish that he would rather be poor and look ugly. Though that was going overboard and many people were homosexual, to think that he was, made him not feel right. A nagging had formed in his stomach that night, the night he realized his true nature.

He was told countless times by his best friend and ex-girlfriend, Lucy, that he should stop worrying and face it. _Be a man_. But it was hard to be a man when he didn't act and feel the same way as a man did. He felt lost, confused and broken.

"Natsu." His voice was steady. Underneath; however, his words felt foreign and shaky.

The pinklette looked up at the dark haired boy who had called his name. A smile formed on the tanned boy's lips as he stood up from his seat and walked up to the boy who called him.

"Gray? I didn't think I'd see you here." Natsu grinned, gesturing at the party that raged on around them. The pinklette smiled and waved at a group of people who walked by. Gray watched the smaller boy carefully. _How could he be so confident?_

"I didn't come to party. I wanted to talk to you." Gray spoke quietly. He felt as though if he spoke loud, everyone would know why and what he wanted to talk about. Natsu nodded and followed Gray out of the main room. The taller boy lead them into a stairway, just enough away from the party that the music sounded muffled. Enough away that he prayed no one would find them and over hear anything.

"So what's up Gray?" Natsu smiled, his dark eyes sparkled. Gray swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. _Words, yes. Speak them_. He mentally noted.

"I just wanted to say..." The dark haired boy began. He wasn't sure exactly where he had planned to go with it. He knew that talking was how people solved problems. So he had to talk, despite the lumps in his throat and the thudding of his racing heart.

"Yeah?" Confusion had taken over the pinklette's eyes. Natsu raised a brow. Gray sucked in a breath and began again.

"I just wanted to talk to you about..." Gray stopped. How was he supposed to say it? He couldn't say it to himself in the mirror, how in the world was he going to say it to someone else. To Natsu!

"I wanted to talk about...Me and you...And..." The words wouldn't form on his tongue. They felt bitter and sour and so wrong.

"Gray, stop. I get it." Natsu cut off Gray's dying statement. Shock flashed through the dark haired boy's eyes.

"You do?" Gray asked.

"You're having trouble facing the facts. Yeah, I went through it too." Natsu nodded. Relief swam through Gray's veins. This could actually be easy. Or a little less difficult.

"Gray, you can't let it get to you." Natsu added, stopping the warm swimming feeling Gray felt. His blood turned cold and a shiver threatened to crash through him.

"What? What do you mean? Get to me? It already has! I'm not normal. How am I supposed to deal with that?" Gray's voice rose with each word. Natsu's expression was blank and impassive.

"What the hell is with that look?" Gray shouted. He felt like slapping himself after the words left his mouth. They were too loud. Natsu shook his bushy pink head.

"Listen Gray, I've already told everyone that I'm gay. I've dealt with it. Yeah, it's tough and shocking. But you can't let it eat at you. Embrace who you are." Natsu's words were soft but stern. Gray felt anger bubble in the pit of his stomach. _Embrace it?_

"I can't embrace it." Gray's voice was low. The pinklette in front of Gray shook his head disapprovingly.

"You'll have to some day. You can't deny it. It's part of you." Natsu's words felt like a hammer smashing against Gray's skull.

"No." Gray whispered. His head was bent down. He didn't want the other boy to see the struggle in his eyes.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to come to terms with it. I can't...It's not right..." Gray mumbled. Natsu stayed silent as he watched the other boy fight a battle with himself.

"I can't feel this way towards you." Gray added. His voice was going shaky and he felt his eyes sting with tears of anger and frustration. Natsu sighed, turning his head away to stare at the blurred colours that erupted from the main room where the party was being held.

"Gray, I get that you don't like me...I thought maybe, just maybe you could. I guess I was wrong." Natsu's words were low, emotionless. Gray looked at the pink haired boy, confusion and curiosity ran laps around his brain. Natsu continued.

"I was like you once, normal, as you put it. I thought I had been interested in women and I even slept with a few, of course I never felt happy when I was with them. I used them to hide my insecurities. But one night I got sick of lying to myself." Natsu finished and looked back up at Gray who was watching the smaller boy carefully. Natsu was a lot of things. Friendly, fun-loving, courageous, sweet and a bit of a prankster when he wanted to be. All those things made Gray's heart swell whenever he saw a flash of pink hair or Natsu's signature grin. He loved Natsu, a lot, but it was too much to admit.

"Gray, you'll see it one day. You'll wake up and realize that lying to yourself is only hurting you more each and every day. When you do wake up from this crazy fantasy world you're living in now, I'll be here. I've loved you since we first met, back when we were kids. I just never realised it until a little while ago." Natsu smiled a small smile. Gray felt his heart drop at seeing the tint of sadness behind the other boy's eyes. Gray didn't want to hurt Natsu, but Gray wasn't ready, not yet.

"Natsu..."

"So, is that all you wanted to talk about? I just really wanted to get back into that party because there are those mini sandwiches that I love there. I think they have turkey, maybe chicken; oh I love the egg ones too." Natsu began mumbling about food, almost as though the whole conversation between him and Gray had flushed into the back of his head instantly.

"Natsu...Stop." Gray mumbled. Natsu didn't hear him, his mind was too busy thinking back about what food the party had and the drinks he could mix to create new flavors that would numb his brain in the sweet tingly sensation he loved. Gray's head was lowered, a deep flush creeping onto his usually pale cheeks. He wanted Natsu to stop and talk to him. He wasn't finished because that talk didn't help him at all, not like it was suppose to. Gray clenched his hand and it shook as Gray's nerves laughed at him. He was angry, talking made his situation worse.

"You know what, I think Erza had mentioned something about Vodka, I wonder what that would taste like with some lemon juice and co-

"Natsu!" Gray shouted, causing the pinklette to stop, mid-sentence, and stare up at Gray. The raven haired boy grabbed the smaller boy's wrists and pushed him against the wall. Natsu gasped as he hit the wall with a thud. Gray's head was still lowered and his hands shook more as he held Natsu against the wall.

"Gray..." Natsu stared at Gray's dark locks. Gray shook his head and lifted it, crushing his lips onto Natsu's. Natsu let out a surprised sound but he relaxed as Gray kissed him. Gray's lips were rough but Natsu didn't mind, he simply leaned into the other boy, making Gray relax and soften the kiss. Gray dropped his hands and allowed them to wrap around Natsu's waist. Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray's neck and pulled him as close as he could.

The two pulled apart and gasped for air. Natsu stared up at Gray, whose face was a light pink. Gray blushed deeper when he noticed the light sparkle in the pinklette's eyes.

"So, that's how you really feel then?" Natsu grinned up at the raven haired boy. Gray looked away, embarrassed.

"Y-yeah..." Gray mumbled, coughing to cover up his slight stutter. Natsu laughed and leaned forward to give Gray a simple peck on the lips.

"You know, that was the best kiss i've ever had..." Natsu winked. Gray grinned and grabbed Natsu's arm.

"Maybe I can show you a better one?" Gray pulled Natsu towards the front door of the house. Natsu allowed Gray to lead him out of the house and away from the party. The pinklette watched Gray closely. Uncertainty and confusion spotted his dark eyes, but Natsu also noticed the tinge of happiness that swam through the other with each step he took. Gray may not have been ready to tell the whole world, but maybe he was ready to admit who he is to part of himself.

'_Baby steps...'_ Natsu thought as Gray pulled him through the garden and away from the rest of the raging party.

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**Aw! wasn't that better than my last one? I do believe it was, MUCH better **

**well, the reasoning behind this story: So as cheesy as it could sound, I have been Watching 90210 with my mom (back when we had no cable & only had netflix) & anyways, later on in season 2, I think...One of the guy's finds out that he's really Gay, and then some stuff happens where he doesn't want to believe it, and so on (kind of like this fic) & then he finally admits it and starts dating some different guys (not sure which one he stayed with, but that doesn't matter). Anyways, this fic was inspired by one moment where he finally admits to himself he likes Guys and he kisses the Guy who made him realize he likes Guys :) **

**So yeah, that's how this cheesy story came to be ^^ It's still not the best thing, but I think it's better than my last fic and that's all that matters. I haven't been wanting to write lately, since school has been a little crazy, but this is my exam week so only three more days/exams, then I'm finished & can write lots more :) Hopefully my inspiration will come back :D**

**-mosherocks4 / Kris **


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